The Rut

It's been a week since I last practiced asana(yoga poses).  Before that, it had been a week as well.  I can say that it's a busy time of year when the children go back to school and there just isn't time....or in the weeks prior, it was because camp had ended and my kids were home and I couldn't attend class or I was away with my family, but I'm a teacher....I shouldn't have to attend class to say I practiced.  I can go it alone at home....just me and my mat, which right now sounds quite appealing.  That is, if my two children weren't home from school for Rosh Hashana and dominating my bedroom, which is the only space I have in my house to roll out my mat.  Sure, I can ask them nicely to take their TV watching elsewhere in the house, but then there's the issue of my hamstring.  Do I really want to aggravate it like I did when I practiced a week ago?

I know, I know.  Excuses, excuses.  Fact is, I'm in a practice rut.  I get this way from time to time, where making the effort to step onto my mat or attend class seems like a monumental feat.  To find and then stay with my breath is elusive and frustrating.  To just allow myself to flow in and out of poses with ease instead of over-thinking, "are my shoulders aligned?", "am I engaging my core enough to protect my back?", "is this stretch too much for my hamstring?"  The things I ask my self during my practice all elude to one line of thinking....I'm broken.  That thinking has to change so I can get on my mat fearlessly.  Getting on my mat has become work.....a chore...and as my husband knows all too well, I hate chores.  I've become the person (temporarily) who buys a gym membership, but never goes.

So what do I do in lieu of practicing?  I write a blog about why I'm not practicing.  Comical.  This however, is a form of practice.  It builds awareness which is what yoga teaches us.  I can just pour it out right here.  Read it back a few times and face the truth....then do something about it.  Maybe.  The truth is, I'm lazy.  My yoga practice has to incorporate physical therapy to keep my body tuned up or I risk injury again.  The idea of having to include all those exercises into my practice could keep me on my mat for 2+ hours.  I'm still figuring it out and overwhelmed by the task.  I just need to learn how to focus on one thing at a time instead of everything all at once.

Lately I've turned to meditation as a way to deepen the connection with myself, my thoughts and my feelings.  As much as I love to meditate, I tend to, again, make excuses not to do it.  Errands, laundry, kids, etc. take precedence over what could help me shift from the inside out.  I was telling my students the other day that the one relationship that tends to be put on the back burner, is the relationship we have with ourselves.  Like anything that becomes a permanent fixture in our lives that we know is always there, we take it for granted and don't pay as much attention to it as we should to nurture and cultivate a healthy sense of self awareness and self love.  Instead of being the clunky piece of immovable furniture that we trip over once in a while, we can be that prized possession that takes center stage, gets polished and shown off.  We have been and always will be with ourselves until the day we die, so it's a good idea to learn to love yourself as much as possible and know yourself better than anyone else if you want to enjoy and grow in this life.

So how do I surface from this rut?  I just have to push through and get focused.  Just like any chore....like cleaning my house....once I get going, it's not so bad and I actually get on a roll and have a nice sense of accomplishment when it's all done.  So I guess you could say, my asana practice is house keeping for my body, mind and spirit....which right now has a few too many cobwebs, dust bunnies and creaky floor boards that need tending to.

Time to push through.

Namaste!

Kristen

You can get hurt doing yoga???? Really???

According to the New York Times, yoga can wreck your body.  Honestly, I'm appalled that the NY Times would publish such an article.  Granted it was balanced enough in its view on the subject, but for anyone who was on the fence and contemplating taking yoga in the new year; just the title of the article alone will scare them away.

Given the negative press yoga received, I have made it my mission this week to speak to my students about the article in case any of them read it and to provide a realistic perspective on the issue.  Yes, you can can hurt yourself doing yoga.  The article cited extreme instances where people have gotten injured and perhaps done themselves permanent harm.  These cases were ones where students of yoga were either being poorly advised by under trained teachers or trying to advance their practice on their own without the guidance of a decent teacher.  It's no surprise that these people have "wrecked" their bodies.  Let's use common sense people and listen to our bodies which actually communicate with us better than most people.  Many of the big corporate run gyms only require that yoga instructors be AFAA certified.  An AFAA certification is an online course with a one day workshop!!  It's a joke.  It's not enough training to ensure that students are practicing as safely as possible.   If you are going to take a yoga class or work to advance your practice, please make sure your teacher is at least 200hr. certified.....500hr. certified is even better.

Another problem that most people face is their ego.  The ego is a double edged sword.  It's wonderful in survival situations where it is imperative to succeed, but when faced with challenges of executing impossible asana that our bodies may not be ready for, the ego can talk us into pushing ourselves further than we should.  We end up competing with ourselves and the other yogis around us who's practice may be more advanced.  That's how injuries happen.  One of my students said most injuries follow seven words....,"Hey, I'm getting really good at this."

Now, I'm not saying don't strive to advance your practice, but one must be mindful of when the ego is driving the car and if it's heading for a cliff.  Yoga is such a healing practice.....and if all you are seeking are the healing benefits of yoga, there is no need to make it advanced.  Gentle yoga, basics classes or any myriad of the gentler forms of Hatha yoga are are all good options for healing the body.  But if advancing your practice is something you are interested in, you must consult a knowledgeable teacher and work with them to ensure a safe advancement in your practice.  It's just common sense.

Thank you for reading.

May joy coarse through your veins as you explore and experience a deeper sense of yourself through your practice.

Namaste!

Kristen

Swerving Into Oncoming Traffic

I've taken my asana practice from a vigorous vinyasa and sloppy alignment back to a basic level with more mindful movement. My ego still taunts me as I put myself in the hands of my teachers, admitting I need help with what I thought was a beautiful and mindful practice. Surrendering now to teachers who have watched my progress over the past year, possibly cringing, and now showing me where I've gone wrong as I work to correct my practice.

Was I that cocky to think that my asana practice was so strong that it didn't need correcting? Have I really become so wrapped up in asana that I've forgotten the core values of yoga? That all that matters is how bendy I can get or how strong I can be to hold an arm balance? I'm no better than the typical gym rat who simply obsesses about MORE. I rarely take the time to read about the core tenets of yoga and how to best incorporate them into my life.

I want to be a good example to my students and my injury to my back has given me pause. I am so far away from where I was during teacher training. When I decided I wanted to be a yoga teacher, I did so because I wanted to help others work out their own lives through the practice of yoga. Only problem is that I haven't been practicing yoga.......I've only been practicing asana.

In the day-to-day hustle of getting kids off to school and me off to class either to practice or teach and then run errands if I have time, I have forgotten to look around or even notice my own thoughts and actions. It's just go, go, go and don't dare stop until everyone is happy.

I've been so busy that I barely noticed that I've disconnected from myself. My soul. The part of me that I came to know and love so fiercely over the course of teacher training and have now lost sight of. That was my yoga. That changed how I moved through the course of my day and treated people I came in contact with. I felt connected to myself and the world around me in the best way. Now I simply move through the motions, not thinking mindfully enough about the impact my words or actions may have and possibly hurting myself or others by being careless. It's kind of like accidentally swerving into oncoming traffic. You need to pay attention to the road.

And so it's a metaphor for my practice. I move on my mat the way I move through life.....thinking I'm doing everything right, but not really paying attention until the proof is in my face that what I was doing was wrong. Admitting to being wrong is where my ego steps in. As a perfectionist, being wrong is just a tough pill to swallow. So I reluctantly surrender, cry a bit and then ask for help and cry some more as I ask for that help. My ego making me feel ashamed as if to say, "Nice job. Fine mess you have made of yourself.", glaring down at me in disappointment. And then it laughs at me while I cry.

I know it's all in my head.....and it's twisted and cruel what my own thoughts will do to me. But this is what I get for disconnecting from my soul by not being more mindful. As I learn to reconnect and get back to that place of peace I found within myself, the cruel voice of my ego will soften and be more nurturing as it was during teacher training. I need to learn to be friends with myself again instead of being the overly demanding boss that expects nothing less than perfect.

With an abundance of love and gratitude.

Namaste!

Kristen

The Microscope

I have a hard time understanding why people leave a yoga class before its over. Last Monday night, I had a huge class; 66 people. Some were new to yoga and for some reason, I incorporated poses into my sequence that were obviously a bit too challenging for the new comers. So midway through class, about 4-5 people got up and left. It didn't make me feel very good, but it got me thinking.


I can't make anyone stay to finish my class, but I will do what I can to encourage them not to leave. Consider if you will; a job interview or performance review. Would you leave in the middle of it simply because you're uncomfortable with criticism? I would imagine not, but nonetheless, it still makes you feel uneasy when you feel like you are being put under a microscope. So why leave when a yoga class is a bit challenging? Is it because the inner critic is telling you that you can't hack it or that you're weak? Neither of which is true. If you are new to yoga, you need to give yourself a chance and not retreat at the first sign of a challenge. Instead, learn to modify. Go at your own pace and know that it's not a command performance. I'm not giving out prizes to those who had the most beautiful practice during class.




Learning yoga can be a lot like answering a question. When you don't know the answer to a question, do you answer it anyway pretending to know something you don't.....or do you tell the person you aren't sure and will get back to them? By saying, "I don't know." in a yoga pose is the equivalent of coming into Child's Pose or taking a moment to look around the room and figure out what the pose should look like.......and finding the answer for yourself.




Being new to something doesn't make you weak or stupid or any of the terrible things we say to ourselves, it just means you need to learn a new skill. Suspend your judgement for a while and stay open to possibility. There is so much you can learn about yourself if you just take the time to explore what is within you. But if you leave; throw in the towel and give up before you've even started, then you may never uncover the parts of yourself that are truly amazing and waiting just below the surface to show themselves to you.


The time we spend on our yoga mats is a simulation of our life and how we move through it. Leaving when things get uncomfortable or too challenging says one thing. Staying and learning how to move through the poses and modifying when necessary says another. What do you want your yoga practice to say about you?


With an abundance of love and gratitude!


Namaste!


Kristen

When all else fails....

Despite the discomfort in my back, I practiced yoga yesterday morning at the beloved Saraswati's Yoga Joint. I've been feeling so disconnected from my kula and I was dying to get back on my mat and just move my body. I made a promise with myself before class began that I would modify heavily to accommodate my back. Normally I would've intercepted Donna before class just to give her a heads up, but class got going a few minutes late, so I opted to just keep my promise to myself and not worry about it.

I moved well through most of class, albeit much slower than I normally do. I needed to be mindful of every movement and every muscle engagement to ensure I was practicing as safely as possible. I wasn't concerned with keeping up with everyone else.......I just wanted to practice moving consciously. I made sure to scoop my tailbone in every Cobra and engage my core continually through class since I have recently discovered actually diminishes the pain in my back quite significantly. However, the extent to which I must engage my core is hard to maintain over very long periods of time, so I move through waves of pain and comfort throughout the day.

Class was going well until we moved into back bends. Dhanurasana and Salabhasana are not terrible on my back, but when Donna called out Ustrasana, I went straight into Child's Pose. My ego again taunting me and I fought back tears of frustration. It's hard for me to accept that I can't do a pose when I've worked so hard to bring my practice to where it is. As a perfectionist, I want to be able to do do everything well and when I'm forced to take 10 steps backward; even if it is for the best, I feel a kind of shame.....like I have been forced to give up when I never wanted to quit.

As class moved on, we came to Bridge Pose and Urdvha Dhanurasana. I figured I would be okay in Bridge Pose the whole time. I used a block between my thighs and made sure my ankles squeezed towards each other, I made sure my knees reached in one direction as my chest reached in the other. I made sure not to squeeze my glutes and even used my hands to support my low back. I engaged my abs, but to no happy endings. When we were done and came into Supta Padangustasana, I closed my eyes. My back stung and tears streamed from the corners of my eyes onto my mat. I did everything I thought I was supposed to do to create a comfortable Bridge Pose and got a world of hurt instead. When you do everything in your power to try and make it better for yourself in the pose and nothing works, what then? No Bridge Pose for a while as well? Back bends are supposed to be the most therapeutic poses in yoga when done correctly. So what now?

I had plans to take Mitchel's class Tuesday night since he knows of my back issues and can offer adjustments during class that may bring relief to my back. After yesterday's class, I have offered to help assist Mitchel with adjustments during his class instead of potentially putting myself in another painful situation.

I have tried to correct my poses in an effort to alleviate my pain. Acupuncture may be next or a private session with Mitchel. My asana practice doesn't feel like a wise option right now, so when all else fails......teach. The silver lining on this whole issue is that I'm learning (the hard way) what I need to tell my students to do in their practice to avoid injury and back pain. In the end it just makes me a much better teacher and one my students will trust.

With an abundance of love and gratitude.

Namaste!

Kristen

My Training In Progress

A month of Teacher Training has already passed and I can honestly say I have learned SO much!!! I was so intimidated after the first weekend when I was made aware that my Chaturanga Dandasana was incorrect. As someone who teaches yoga in the gym environment currently, I was ready to surrender my status as teacher for a while until I learned everything. But I have to say that I'm glad I didn't do that as it's afforded me the opportunity to practice all that I have learned in my teacher training. Most of my students are grateful that I'm teaching them the correct forms and alignment for the poses we do in class the most (i.e. Sun Salutations). There are some who have stopped coming to my class for fear that my style has change so drastically that they won't enjoy it anymore.



So my first weekend was all about grieving the loss of my beloved Chaturanga as we learned the correct forms and alignments for the Sun Salutation. The Chaturanga I was so proud of being able to do (even though I was doing it wrong and had no idea). I wept over that for far too long, but I've since corrected my Chaturanga and am happy to let the old one take a hike given that it wasn't helping me to build any strength in my back. The same strength I need to do arm balances and inversions.

The second weekend was all about Standing Poses, symmetrical and asymmetrical. All these standing poses, I thought I was doing correctly. I thought I looked beautiful in......brought a grace to them......yadda, yadda.....nada, nada. My hips were too far out, my knees were hyper extended, my shoulders were all wrong. Yikes! I'm surprised I wasn't injured from everything I was doing wrong. I now have a much better appreciation for how the poses are supposed to look and feel. However, trying to teach these to my class is tough; many of my students choose to ignore me. Sadly, in the gym, I'm not allowed to touch them, so helping them to really feel the pose is next to impossible. I need to find some really good analogies to work into my verbal queues so they know what to do and how to feel in the poses.


Our third and most recent weekend, we explored back bends. I never thought I would get so emotional from back bends, but as Mitchel stated, as bi-peds, we are so vulnerable since we walk around with our organs exposed.....unlike most other vertebrates on earth that live on all 4's. When coming into a back bend, I found myself feeling very vulnerable and really insecure; especially as my low back became sore and I lost my endurance for holding the back bends and compromising my form. Not only was I feeling insecure, but I was damn frustrated!!! And when I get frustrated, I cry. It's times like this that I know I have to shut off the part of my brain that tells me I need to be perfect at everything.




I never made this much effort in high school or even in college, but I didn't know then what really made me passionate. I thought it was writing at first, but after a while that fizzled.....then I thought psychology was a really interesting field and got my BA in that, but very honestly, I don't feel the pull to get a masters degree in that, so my psych degree just helps me size up people now. It wasn't until I found yoga at a crucial turning point in my life that I realized that this is what I LOVE. And it's because I LOVE it that I'm such a perfectionist with it. I want to get it right, right away, but I also know that's unrealistic. I try to keep in mind what Mitchel told the class, "You will fall in your yoga practice. And if you don't, it means you aren't trying hard enough." I've fallen a few times.....just little trip ups here and there, but at least I know I'm trying my hardest and my mistakes show me where I need to adjust. That's the best part about falling.....the learning that comes from it.


Until Next Time......


Thanks for reading!


Namaste!


Kristen

Yoga Preparations

I'm less than a week away from beginning my 200 hour teacher training at Saraswati's Yoga Joint. I've been preparing my body for what I expect to be an inspirational and challenging education in the practice of yoga. Perhaps I shouldn't be so concerned about being physically prepared, but I guess I want to ensure a decent progression in my yoga practice. Not only have I been working with a personal trainer to strengthen my core and upper body, but I also began taking a Master Yoga Class on Mondays from 12-2 at a nearby studio in my town (sorry Saraswati, it's what worked with my schedule) so I could familiarize myself with more advanced yoga postures that I haven't had access to because I feel better having a teacher teach me who knows what they are doing instead of leaving it to chance by teaching myself. Three weeks ago, you couldn't possibly get me to do a forearm stand....even against a wall. The whole idea that I should be looking at my hands and not back through my legs was a tough one to get my head around at first. Now, I can get myself into a forearm stand on the first try (still against a wall) and I practically look for opportunities to practice this new skill. To finally feel comfortable being inverted opens up all sorts of new doorways for my yoga practice. Now to get more comfortable doing other more complicated arm balances.

The master class that I've been attending at Yogi Brian's has been a wealth of information for me and has brought about an awareness in my body that I didn't have before. I always thought I was pretty aware, but my knees had been giving me an issue, so Brian Buturla introduced me to some anatomy books that pertain to yoga. With the use of those books I've been able to pretty much pinpoint the trigger asanas that irritate my knees and also figure out which exercises I can do to minimize future irritaions. I have also discovered a way to heal them simply using food. By food, I mean avocados. The fats in avocados not only work to lubricate the joints, but they also minimize pain and inflamation. AWESOME!!! Good thing I love avocados! Since I plan to teach privately once I get my 200 hour yoga teacher certification, I saw that my favorite on-line retailer for business cards was having this HUGE sale on all sorts of things I could use to promote myself. And they had this beautiful design for their business cards, postcards and envelopes that look like henna. Gorgeous! I had them made and they arrived a couple days ago. I couldn't be happier......or more prepared. I know I'm kind of putting the cart before the horse, but I can't imagine anything other than having a deeper love and appreciation for yoga after I get my certification.....and the only thing I will want to do is share that with the world! So I might as well be prepared. And might I add, I had SO much fun designing the cards. I just love the "icing on the cake". Here's what they look like. The cards, postcards and envelopes. Aren't they pretty?!






I'm really looking forward to starting my formal yoga education. I will be sure to share my learnings and insights along the way.

Until next time......


Thanks for reading!


Namaste!


Kristen