I take a moment to assess the damage.
Feeling all the sensations in my body.
I hurt......I ache.....I’ve never felt these muscles before.
Is this a good hurt or a bad hurt?
Frustration brings me to tears.
This can’t be right.
This isn’t in keeping with Ahimsa
I hurt and continue to press on. Am I crazy?
How much more can my body take?
Will I ever be able to go through my day again
And feel completely comfortable
Within my body?
As I consider abandoning my passions for want of a more comfortable existence,
I remember this:
“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over;
it became a butterfly.”
My body is transforming and awakening.
Other parts are just being born into awareness
And need to time to grow.
Tears of frustration turn to joy
I will nurture these parts of me and take the baby steps necessary
In order to emerge stronger than when I began
And take flight from my chrysalis into this new world
As a wiser and more enlightened being.
For nothing great has ever been accomplished without growing pains.
~ Kristen Luther ~
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
My Training In Progress
A month of Teacher Training has already passed and I can honestly say I have learned SO much!!! I was so intimidated after the first weekend when I was made aware that my Chaturanga Dandasana was incorrect. As someone who teaches yoga in the gym environment currently, I was ready to surrender my status as teacher for a while until I learned everything. But I have to say that I'm glad I didn't do that as it's afforded me the opportunity to practice all that I have learned in my teacher training. Most of my students are grateful that I'm teaching them the correct forms and alignment for the poses we do in class the most (i.e. Sun Salutations). There are some who have stopped coming to my class for fear that my style has change so drastically that they won't enjoy it anymore.
So my first weekend was all about grieving the loss of my beloved Chaturanga as we learned the correct forms and alignments for the Sun Salutation. The Chaturanga I was so proud of being able to do (even though I was doing it wrong and had no idea). I wept over that for far too long, but I've since corrected my Chaturanga and am happy to let the old one take a hike given that it wasn't helping me to build any strength in my back. The same strength I need to do arm balances and inversions.
The second weekend was all about Standing Poses, symmetrical and asymmetrical. All these standing poses, I thought I was doing correctly. I thought I looked beautiful in......brought a grace to them......yadda, yadda.....nada, nada. My hips were too far out, my knees were hyper extended, my shoulders were all wrong. Yikes! I'm surprised I wasn't injured from everything I was doing wrong. I now have a much better appreciation for how the poses are supposed to look and feel. However, trying to teach these to my class is tough; many of my students choose to ignore me. Sadly, in the gym, I'm not allowed to touch them, so helping them to really feel the pose is next to impossible. I need to find some really good analogies to work into my verbal queues so they know what to do and how to feel in the poses.
Our third and most recent weekend, we explored back bends. I never thought I would get so emotional from back bends, but as Mitchel stated, as bi-peds, we are so vulnerable since we walk around with our organs exposed.....unlike most other vertebrates on earth that live on all 4's. When coming into a back bend, I found myself feeling very vulnerable and really insecure; especially as my low back became sore and I lost my endurance for holding the back bends and compromising my form. Not only was I feeling insecure, but I was damn frustrated!!! And when I get frustrated, I cry. It's times like this that I know I have to shut off the part of my brain that tells me I need to be perfect at everything.
I never made this much effort in high school or even in college, but I didn't know then what really made me passionate. I thought it was writing at first, but after a while that fizzled.....then I thought psychology was a really interesting field and got my BA in that, but very honestly, I don't feel the pull to get a masters degree in that, so my psych degree just helps me size up people now. It wasn't until I found yoga at a crucial turning point in my life that I realized that this is what I LOVE. And it's because I LOVE it that I'm such a perfectionist with it. I want to get it right, right away, but I also know that's unrealistic. I try to keep in mind what Mitchel told the class, "You will fall in your yoga practice. And if you don't, it means you aren't trying hard enough." I've fallen a few times.....just little trip ups here and there, but at least I know I'm trying my hardest and my mistakes show me where I need to adjust. That's the best part about falling.....the learning that comes from it.
Until Next Time......
Thanks for reading!
Namaste!
Kristen
So my first weekend was all about grieving the loss of my beloved Chaturanga as we learned the correct forms and alignments for the Sun Salutation. The Chaturanga I was so proud of being able to do (even though I was doing it wrong and had no idea). I wept over that for far too long, but I've since corrected my Chaturanga and am happy to let the old one take a hike given that it wasn't helping me to build any strength in my back. The same strength I need to do arm balances and inversions.
The second weekend was all about Standing Poses, symmetrical and asymmetrical. All these standing poses, I thought I was doing correctly. I thought I looked beautiful in......brought a grace to them......yadda, yadda.....nada, nada. My hips were too far out, my knees were hyper extended, my shoulders were all wrong. Yikes! I'm surprised I wasn't injured from everything I was doing wrong. I now have a much better appreciation for how the poses are supposed to look and feel. However, trying to teach these to my class is tough; many of my students choose to ignore me. Sadly, in the gym, I'm not allowed to touch them, so helping them to really feel the pose is next to impossible. I need to find some really good analogies to work into my verbal queues so they know what to do and how to feel in the poses.
Our third and most recent weekend, we explored back bends. I never thought I would get so emotional from back bends, but as Mitchel stated, as bi-peds, we are so vulnerable since we walk around with our organs exposed.....unlike most other vertebrates on earth that live on all 4's. When coming into a back bend, I found myself feeling very vulnerable and really insecure; especially as my low back became sore and I lost my endurance for holding the back bends and compromising my form. Not only was I feeling insecure, but I was damn frustrated!!! And when I get frustrated, I cry. It's times like this that I know I have to shut off the part of my brain that tells me I need to be perfect at everything.
I never made this much effort in high school or even in college, but I didn't know then what really made me passionate. I thought it was writing at first, but after a while that fizzled.....then I thought psychology was a really interesting field and got my BA in that, but very honestly, I don't feel the pull to get a masters degree in that, so my psych degree just helps me size up people now. It wasn't until I found yoga at a crucial turning point in my life that I realized that this is what I LOVE. And it's because I LOVE it that I'm such a perfectionist with it. I want to get it right, right away, but I also know that's unrealistic. I try to keep in mind what Mitchel told the class, "You will fall in your yoga practice. And if you don't, it means you aren't trying hard enough." I've fallen a few times.....just little trip ups here and there, but at least I know I'm trying my hardest and my mistakes show me where I need to adjust. That's the best part about falling.....the learning that comes from it.
Until Next Time......
Thanks for reading!
Namaste!
Kristen
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