The Rut

It's been a week since I last practiced asana(yoga poses).  Before that, it had been a week as well.  I can say that it's a busy time of year when the children go back to school and there just isn't time....or in the weeks prior, it was because camp had ended and my kids were home and I couldn't attend class or I was away with my family, but I'm a teacher....I shouldn't have to attend class to say I practiced.  I can go it alone at home....just me and my mat, which right now sounds quite appealing.  That is, if my two children weren't home from school for Rosh Hashana and dominating my bedroom, which is the only space I have in my house to roll out my mat.  Sure, I can ask them nicely to take their TV watching elsewhere in the house, but then there's the issue of my hamstring.  Do I really want to aggravate it like I did when I practiced a week ago?

I know, I know.  Excuses, excuses.  Fact is, I'm in a practice rut.  I get this way from time to time, where making the effort to step onto my mat or attend class seems like a monumental feat.  To find and then stay with my breath is elusive and frustrating.  To just allow myself to flow in and out of poses with ease instead of over-thinking, "are my shoulders aligned?", "am I engaging my core enough to protect my back?", "is this stretch too much for my hamstring?"  The things I ask my self during my practice all elude to one line of thinking....I'm broken.  That thinking has to change so I can get on my mat fearlessly.  Getting on my mat has become work.....a chore...and as my husband knows all too well, I hate chores.  I've become the person (temporarily) who buys a gym membership, but never goes.

So what do I do in lieu of practicing?  I write a blog about why I'm not practicing.  Comical.  This however, is a form of practice.  It builds awareness which is what yoga teaches us.  I can just pour it out right here.  Read it back a few times and face the truth....then do something about it.  Maybe.  The truth is, I'm lazy.  My yoga practice has to incorporate physical therapy to keep my body tuned up or I risk injury again.  The idea of having to include all those exercises into my practice could keep me on my mat for 2+ hours.  I'm still figuring it out and overwhelmed by the task.  I just need to learn how to focus on one thing at a time instead of everything all at once.

Lately I've turned to meditation as a way to deepen the connection with myself, my thoughts and my feelings.  As much as I love to meditate, I tend to, again, make excuses not to do it.  Errands, laundry, kids, etc. take precedence over what could help me shift from the inside out.  I was telling my students the other day that the one relationship that tends to be put on the back burner, is the relationship we have with ourselves.  Like anything that becomes a permanent fixture in our lives that we know is always there, we take it for granted and don't pay as much attention to it as we should to nurture and cultivate a healthy sense of self awareness and self love.  Instead of being the clunky piece of immovable furniture that we trip over once in a while, we can be that prized possession that takes center stage, gets polished and shown off.  We have been and always will be with ourselves until the day we die, so it's a good idea to learn to love yourself as much as possible and know yourself better than anyone else if you want to enjoy and grow in this life.

So how do I surface from this rut?  I just have to push through and get focused.  Just like any chore....like cleaning my house....once I get going, it's not so bad and I actually get on a roll and have a nice sense of accomplishment when it's all done.  So I guess you could say, my asana practice is house keeping for my body, mind and spirit....which right now has a few too many cobwebs, dust bunnies and creaky floor boards that need tending to.

Time to push through.

Namaste!

Kristen